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Sunday, October 19, 2008

i love with my heart not with my head, that will never change

IT is a Sunday.10:56 pm. 64 degrees outside.

i keep thinking about this predicament i am in. i wish i could go back to last September and change things. i mean i am glad i got to experience this but why with him. the guy i want to move in with. the guy i want to marry and have kids with. He is my King. or at least i thought he was.. Yea, people make mistakes, Lord knows i have, but how many times do i give you to correct your mistakes. how many times do i compromise myself to make this relationship work. Furthermore, what did i do to you, bitch for you to have this personal vendetta towards me. Yea, i didn't talk to you for months but is that any reason for you to act so heartless.

Proverbs 5:3-5.
"For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.Her feet go down to death; her steps lay hold of hell"

Read this over and over and your head. listen to the words and hear the meaning.
For you, this is a game. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the fact that i have to live with this everyday in my life is ridiculous. i have to live with the question "is he talking to her" every day.. i don't like the fact that you two talk. i have mentioned that several times.. What will it take for that to happen. maybe i should just let you Fothermuckers be together. oh but i forgot, he said if he was with you, he wouldnt to be with you more than a year. but with me, he can spend the rest of his life with me.. and i have proof. he didn't just say it to me. he said it to his friends. hell, even the other one you tried to get with thinks you are a joke. when i first started talking to my baby.. he didn't even like you. he thought you were some loud, talkative female. i was the one who changed his mind. But i don't think i should've have done that, because now his mind is changed but damn so is mine. I was the one who was giving you rides everywhere. and now you're going to try and play my friend. she sees right through you. she knows you're using her for rides but she is scared to do anything about it. Yea, i'm bitter.. if anyone was in or even knew what i have been through, they would realize why. hell, the ones that do are bitter about this shit too.

so you wanna play games, i am ready... get ready because if i play, i am playing to win.
I already have his heart so if he was with you, he will be thinking about me.. lol. *smirk*
i have the ring..

lets do it..

as for him.

Pslams 55: 21-23.
21His speech was smooth as butter,
yet war was in his heart;
his words were softer than oil,
yet they were drawn swords.

22 Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.

23But you, O God, will cast them down
into the pit of destruction;
men of blood and treachery
shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.

If I Were A Boy - Beyonce

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