Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Do what it takes to make it work for you..
My father was in prison for 8 and half years. You'd think that spending a grip in there, prison would do him some good. It didn't. He came out and started becoming the same fool he was before he went in. Out of all ten/eleven of his kids (that I know about), I was the only the stayed in contact with. (Maybe I forced him to, I don't know. but i wanted to know the other side of me.)We shared EVERYTHING. Somethings a daughter probably shouldn't know about her father but I knew and I was happy he was sharing with me. That's all I ever wanted. That's all my brothers and sisters ever wanted. They wanted to be acknowledged and wanted him to act like a dad. not a part time father. They didn't get that. So now my sibs hate him. Yes, hate. May we were expecting too much from him. But I feel at 40, shouldn't you have ya Shhhish together knowing you having kids that you may not ever have a real relationship with? knowing that you girlfriend who has five kids of her own needs your help? knowing that you are not living up to your potential?knowing that you have one time to mess up and end back up in prison? Of course, he didn't. This time he even lost contact with me. Maybe I was acting like his mother too much, telling him "Dad, it is 2 o'clock in the morning, where are you going?" or "Pudah!! Stop sleeping around. That's just nasty" and every other day i nagged him about being a man and taking care of his responsiblities. Maybe telling him every aspect of my life was too much for him, lmbo *cuz him telling me his was definitely too much* lol.
I want my father who shared poems with me, who drew pictures for me, who shared albums, quotes and books of the month with me, who shared his life with me.
Even if i can't get what i've long for again, i'm still going to love him, even if i don't talk to him til i'm 30.
that's just me. Unlike my siblings, I don't hate. I just pray.
at 9:19 PM